Journal 23

I believe that being self-sufficient means someone is independent, and relies completely on his/herself, instead of depending on others to help them accomplish things. This usually means getting things done on time, doing what you are supposed to, and taking on opportunities alone. You must deal with everything on your own if you want to be considered self-sufficient. I do not think that I could consider myself this way. I would be no where without the people who push me to do what I do. I always want to just slug around and do nothing, but people around me make me accomplish things. I do not really want to know what will happen to me once I move away. I would probably fall into a wave of nothingness for a while. Everyone would forget I existed.
The people who push me tend to be very self-sufficient. My mom is. She is probably the best, most independent person that I know. I really admire that about her, but I really do not care for that lifestyle. I used to think that I was independent, but now I really doubt it. If people never made me do things, I would never do them. I think the reason I ever do anything is because I have this pre-conceived notion that I HAVE to. Like, if I want to do well in school, I HAVE to show up and do the work. If I want to go to college, I HAVE to do well in school. If I want to be happy in life, I HAVE to go to college. It has just been drilled into my brain that way. If I was raised differently, I probably would have given up a long time ago.
I like that my family is self-sufficient. I do not know what I would do if anyone else seriously relied on me. I do not think I could do a very good job of making sure someone else did something. I suck at things like that. I should never be a mother.