Journal 29

Nature is always in control. There has never been a time where nature did not control our lives. Nature just so happens to be relatively calm here on Earth. If you think about the real definition of nature, it is relatively undefined. Some people see it as just the area that we have not already used, and some people see it as everything everywhere. All animals have used the space they have to survive and even thrive. They build their shelters and find their food. We do the same thing, but when we do it, for some reason it is not considered nature.
We see everything that animals do as natural, that they can do whatever is in their instincts and it is purely part of nature. We honestly do the same thing. Just because we have society does not mean it is not the same concept. It is literally the exact same thing. We all use what we have. Humans have just progressed much more quickly than other animals. We are no better than them.
So I suppose it should be rather easy for me to describe a time when nature was in control, considering that that is all the time.
Okay, so one day, much like today, I woke up. I did not really want to do that, but I did. The sun was just coming up, and I did not feel any reason to rush myself into the shower. I had bathed relatively recently anyway, I'm a clean person. So I just brushed my teeth and did what I could before being pushed out the front door to commence my journey to the high school for jazz band.
It was difficult for me to realize that I had already made it all the way to the high school. I drove my car all the way there, yet I had not taken the time to contemplate any of my actions. I just wanted to sleep, not climb stairs...

Journal 28

When I go places that I'm not used to, or when I do things I'm not used to, I feel very out of my element. When I hang out with people for the first time I usually feel confused and out of place. I try my best not to act awkward, and I usually don't. But in my head, I'm secretly hoping that I won't mess everything up and make people uncomfortable. It is so exhausting to try to keep the conversation going when you are alone with someone unless they're your best friend, or close. Even then I feel like I have to be entertaining. It just makes me tired. I really do not want to do that anymore. We need to stay in groups more often so I'm not in charge of the talking. I once hung out with this person who was very shy and it was really tiring to keep the conversation moving forward. It just bothers me. Sometimes I just really want to listen. I hate explaining myself all the time. I JUST WANT TO LISTEN. 
I hope I never get put into a situation like that again. I always do. I'm just going to start ignoring people and staring at them when they don't talk back to me. I'll just tell them that they are in charge of talking to me so I can just hear what they instead of what I already know from myself. I really really want to hear someone else tell me something for once. I want to meet someone completely new and have them tell me all about themselves. I need to know some new information. I want to meet someone really smart, too. I cannot stand hearing the thoughts of someone doesn't even think. 
I want to know what everyone cares about and thinks about; what they are interested in. Please allow that to happen. 

Journal 26

Sometimes you wake up and think the day should be really good, but then it turns out to be very bad. There are days where you wake up and the sun is shining and the air is warm but for some reason you cannot escape the cold. Sometimes you get really excited to get up and get out of bed to activate your mind and body, and other times you cannot even bring yourself to lift your head. Dreaming can sometimes become more appealing than reality. It is not practical to go about life waiting to fall asleep, and then realizing you do not have the ability to do so when the time is appropriate.
Being humans, we tend to take things symbolically. It is natural for us to search for some sort of sign of fate or divine intervention. I have realized that sometimes you just have to let go of the idea completely. It is logical to let go, but a difficult task, nonetheless. It is our first instinct to look for signs. Religion exists in so many cultures, in fact, it is considered a defining factor in a group much of the time. It is completely natural for us to look for a meaning in the things that we do, or the way things play out, but that is only because we only see things from our own point of view. Realistically, we all are living separate lives which intertwine together and create situations and circumstances, many of which we cannot control.
These happenings are just the way that life works. We live, breathe, communicate, learn, adapt, struggle, prosper, and die. Those things are definite in a long-lived life. Most of the time, this is how things work. The fact that I am even able to explain that is amazing. Science never expected us to get this far and make these connections and have the ability to understand. Our minds are so developed. We can think abstractly, hypothetically, and abstractly. We are the only species who can do this so fluently without question. We are amazing.

Journal 27

The idea of leaving to another country to defend America is sort of variable idea to me. I suppose it would depend on the situation, but the United States of America is not something I feel too passionately about. I am grateful to be somewhere where everyone is free and has their rights as a citizen and human, but I also do not hold a particular place in my heart for this country. I would love to say that I would go directly into battle if they asked me and I would love to die for my country, but I honestly would not. I have a lot of respect for those who have done just that, I know a few people going into that field of work, and it really worries me. But I cannot say that this place is worth that to me. I want to leave this place as soon as I can. I am thinking New Zealand. I want to get out of here now.
But I suppose imagining something like that is terrifying. If we are talking about violent defense, then I can say that I do not see myself doing something like that. I am not much of a violent person, and fighting other humans is the last thing I want to do. I could see myself arguing a point, or protesting for a worthy cause, but I do not think I could ever go into another country with the intention of hurting or possibly killing another person. Some can for whatever cause, but not me. I could never do something like that.
I still do not understand why people think that war is going to get us anywhere. Is that new land or new policy really worth the hundreds of lives it often calls for? It is not! It never will be. I could not see that making sense. People should just take what they have unless the cause is completely life-threatening as it is.

Journal 25

Giving things to people is really nice. You just can't help but feel good about yourself when you have the opportunity to make someone else feel better. When you give someone something thoughtful you know they are going to appreciate it. Or at least you hope they will appreciate it. Some people do not appreciate gifts or surprises, which could be understandable, I suppose. I cannot imagine receiving something someone got for you, thinking of you, and rejecting it. Some people actually do that, though. Some people get a gift and then immediately frown. They disapprove, and you feel really bad about yourself because of their terrible attitude. When I get something from someone, I become so excited and happy instantly, even before I find out what it is. The fact that someone thought of me and took their time to do something nice for me makes me so happy that I just cannot contain my smile. I have been in situations where I have spent tons of time and money on a person and she still complained and criticized myself and my gifts. I hate that quality in a person. If someone goes out of their way to make you happy, you should be grateful and be glad that they cared enough to do that for me. I love everything that everyone gives me, even if it is the smallest thing. I never care, I am just happy that someone actually cared enough to do it. I love that idea. I think I'm going to get all of my friends gifts soon. I made cookies for everyone at a show the other day just to show how much I loved everyone there. I always want have people around who know how much I care. I love people so much and I just want them to know sometimes. It is important to me. Even giving your attention can mean so much. It makes people so happy to know they are accepted and wanted.